In May from 2015 things got bad. It all started when I started feeling like the joy or happiness in my life had begun to flee. As time passed, joyful moments started to mean less and less to me each time, and the memories of them begun to go away faster every time. In June, it got worse. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and I started doing bad at school. I was really good at hiding it, nobody found out. This was a mistake, I just didn’t know it yet. Things only got even worse of course. I got involved in self-harm. Yes, I know it sounds stupid and like I was seeking for attention, but honestly it’s not like that. After this, it got hard to hide it. A friend noticed, and began to talk to me and help me. He’d talk to whenever I needed to talk to someone, and he was willing to stop everything he was doing and just talk to me, so that I wouldn’t think about it. I am extremely thankful to him, and without him, I wouldn’t have been able to overgo it. After this, some more people at school found out, for different reasons, my attitude changed, the physical proofs of self-harm, and other reasons. Whenever these people approached to me, I would say “Please don’t tell anyone”, and they didn’t. Like this, I began to have some people to reach out to whenever I needed, and it really helped.
One day, another friend realized and we went through the conversation I had had with the other people who realized. Of course, I asked him to not tell anyone, but this friend was different. He told his mother. He said he was extremely worried that I would do something even crazier. His mom asked him if my parents knew anything, which they didn’t, and she offered to him that she could talk to my mom. At first he wasn’t comfortable, because he didn’t want me to lose trust in him, but at the end he accepted. When I got home later that night, my mom talked to me, obviously we were both crying. I explained the reason, and she told me that she was there for me, that I should never feel alone, and it completely changed my mindset. I talked to my dad and he said the same. From that day, things got better, I got a psychologist, and I really thank him for everything he has done for me. Of course, depression is not cured from one day to the other, it is a long process. I always thought depression is somewhat like cancer. It is curable, it takes a long time to be cured, but it is possible, but even if you are cured, there is still a chance that it may come back, just like cancer. But anyways, I am happy to say that I feel cured now. Of course, sometimes, thoughts of the past come into my mind, and this is where depression can come back, when you’re vulnerable, but I just keep my mind busy or talk to someone so that I don’t fall into it again.
To anyone that might be reading this and is going through something like this, you are not alone. I know it feels like you are and that there’s no more hope left, but there is, look for it hard, and you’ll find it. Talk to someone you trust, I guarantee you it really helps. Talk to your parents, they won’t get mad, they are going to do everything they can to help you. You don’t have to go through this by yourself.
Why did I suddenly decide to make this public? Good question. My girlfriend’s best friend is going through something like this. She doesn’t know it's depression yet. She tells me how she notices him so sad now, and that he’s never been like this before. She told me he was having “home-issues”. This was when I realized that people who suffered from depression in the past, might be the best at helping someone who is suffering from it right now. We know how it feels like, we know it’s scary to tell people and let them into your life, but we also know that having friends and family to talk to is the best thing you can have. We know that the only way you can defeat depression, is by having company.